Bring to Light What's Going On
This might sound odd, but I didn't know I had anxiety until about a week ago. I knew I was extremely and irrationally anxious about certain ordinary occurrences like talking to and being around people, but I never labeled it as anything besides just plain fear. Lately, though, those odd, short, rare moments that were completely separate from any nerve-wracking situation or thought escalated in frequency. The rare moments when my throat tightened and that feeling of extreme discomfort that made my whole body feel hot and cold became weekly then daily. Those moments first puzzled me--they would happen when I was home alone dusting or cleaning guinea pig cages, not in crowds or while meeting new people--and second disconcerted me. What was going on to make me feel like that? I wondered if it was this thing called "anxiety" that everyone seems to have now. I also felt ashamed about it (like, why is dusting, the most banal activity on the planet, making me anxious?!), but it was concerning enough I asked my husband what he thought about it all.
His answer: "I knew for a long time you heading anxiety." My first thought was, "Why didn't you tell me?!" Then I felt ashamed because apparently it was so obvious and because I now officially had the label "anxiety". Now something was officially wrong with me. In a flash of extreme, irrational fear, I felt my husband wouldn't like me anymore. I started crying and told him. He assured me that he of course still love me; me suddenly realizing the truth didn't change how he felt about the truth. What did do, though, was give me a friend and helper to talk about it. I don't have to act like it doesn't exist I can acknowledge and have helped past each of those moments. After that the moments did start ebbing.
I want to encourage you. If you feel like something is wrong with you, tell someone you trust and who loves you. Keeping something hidden means preventing help and healing from touching it. Whether it is a sin you struggle with, physical pain, emotional discomfort, or anything that you know isn't what God intended when He created everything, first talk constantly to God about it and let Him guide you to the right help. Second, don't keep it hidden when God prompts you to talk about it. It is so hard but so necessary to bring to light what is causing darkness.